Volume 5, Issue 9 | May 1, 2009
www.shift-it-coach.com | [email protected]



  1. A Note From Christina
  2. Events Calendar
  3. Article: Recommended Relationship Resources
  4. Recent Blog Entries
  5. More Links & Resources


Wow, its May already isn’t it! How did that happen? Time is flying by. With my first ever Graphic Coaching Clinic just around the corner, I’m preparing for the great group of folks that are coming (from all across North America and two from the U.K. even!). Fascinating people with all sorts of diverse backgrounds – the common denominator is they all resonate with the visual way of working and want foundational skills to apply to their own coaching, consulting and training processes. There are still two spots left, so if you have a hidden (or not so hidden) marker addiction then get in on the action on May 20-22 here in gorgeous Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. Cocktail party at my place on the second evening!

In between prepping for the workshop, client calls etc, I’m still on track with my 12-week Body for Life workout program … entering my 4th week and starting to see results!

I love my new trainer Tara Macleod – she scans YouTube for the latest exercises to keep things diverse and ever-changing. We’re evening out the strength in my arms … due to all those years of graphic recording and facilitating my right arm (which I write with at the wall) is SO MUCH stronger than my left. Occupational hazard!

Bill Phillips
Getting the strength balanced in both my arms
- I'm lopsided!

Getting back into shape is my spring project. I might be the SHIFT-IT Coach, but I still have areas I’m shiftin’ too! After years of focusing primarily on my professional niche, business and finances, I’m now turning my attention to the personal side of my life – fitness, relationship, fun and recreation.

Today’s article is on some of the resources I regularly recommend for SHIFTing the state of your primary relationship, whether you are currently single or partnered.


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Christina Merkley,
The SHIFT-IT Coach



May 9th, 10-11:30am PST: Soothing Saturday F.R.E.E. Call: Emotional Freedom Technique with Brad Yates. Another F.R.E.E. Soothing Saturday call is right around the corner. Join me with my special guest Brad Yates, EFT practitioner extraordinaire! A great ‘Trouble at the Border’ technology, Brad will share his expertise with this elegant vibrational management tool. Bring your questions and opportunity for live coaching. Plus MP3 recording for all Soothing Saturday registrants. More Info and Registration

May 20-22, 2009: The Graphic Coaching Clinic. Calling all creative coaches, counselors, consultants, trainers, etc – get your markers ready!  Join the graphic revolution with The Graphic Coaching Clinic - foundational skills to work visually with your own clients. Not only will clients like and appreciate your new visual approach (87% are visual learners!), but you’ll enjoy this effective and innovative way of working too!  Come join your Graphic Tribe in gorgeous Victoria, British Columbia for this rare training opportunity --- attendees from across North America and Europe. Claim Your Spot Now – Just 2 spots left! More Info and Registration.


FEATURE ARTICLE: Recommended Relationship Resources

(Now Recorded!) To Listen to My Audio of This Article, click here

As I’ve written about in other articles this year, I’m making a SHIFT in my own life. For years my focus has been on defining and building my creative niche and getting my business and finances into shape. As a single woman (I left an unpleasant relationship back in 2002) it’s been really important to me to create a solid professional and financial life through my unique interest areas. To do what I really love, be of service and have pr0sperity flow in a sustainable and spiritual way. Happily this process has gone very well and I now coach others on how to define and m0netize their interests and talents.

With my right livelihood in a satisfying place, I am now turning my attention to the other areas of life that have been a bit neglected --- body/health, relationship and fun & recreation.

In this article, I’d like to share some of the relationship resources that I like and regularly recommend to my clients, depending on what is up for them:

Clean Up Work:
For clients who have problematic patterns in their relationships like not being able to sustain a relationship (if they want to) or attracting unavailable or abusive partners … I generally recommend a bout of therapy or counseling with a qualified professional to help unlock what is going on at a root level. As a Law of Attraction practitioner, it’s been my experience that some old dynamic is being played out (generally from their early environment and upbringing) and an intervention of some sort is needed to zap their vibration into a healthier place … people mimic what is familiar or known to them.

While the emotional work can be intense for a time, it’s very gratifying to see my client’s ahhas, insights and shifts when they work with a good therapist in conjunction with our coaching work. Most often they were raised in dysfunctional families that stunted their ability to be and express themselves and healthy ways of interacting with loved ones were not modeled well if at all.

First up is identifying and understanding the unhealthy behaviors (so you recognize what you were raised with). Second off is learning what healthy behaviors are and how to start being and attracting them in your relationships.

Some great reading materials (again, best if done in partnership with a counseling professional) are Susan Forward’s Toxic Parents , Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Alice Miller’s classic Drama of the Gifted Child and Karyn McBride’s Will I Ever Be Good Enough .

Clarify What You Want:
When you’ve got a good handle on those problematic family-of-origin issues (or you didn’t have a rough go of it in your early environment to begin with) … another common relationship issue is being unclear about what you next want.

If you are single, given the contrast of your previous relationships, what rockets of desire are being launched now? What kind of relationship do you now want? What kind of person are you most interested in? What role would you most like to play in your relationship? What qualities or attributes do you need to develop in yourself (remember, Law of Attraction tells us that ‘like attracts like’)?

My client Lauren recently recommended a relationship book to me, knowing I’m a big fan of Jerry & Esther Hicks and The Teachings of Abraham. The book is Be Your Own Matchmaker by Patti Stanger.

If you’ve watched Patti’s Millionaire Matchmaker show you might not see the connection with Abraham’s teachings as her tone isn’t exactly touchy feely (she does mention Esther in a couple of places but that is about it). However it was an ‘interesting’ read overall and has some good exercises to help you clarify your ‘man type’ and your relationship values (sorry guys, this one is written for the ladies).

Bill Phillips

Next Generation / Conscious Relationships :
Part of the difficulty in finding and sustaining happy and healthy relationships in this day and age is the sea change that marriage and gender roles is going through – if you don’t want relationships like the ones that were modeled to you in your youth then you need to ‘find the feeling place’ of something different. Not always an easy task to get the feel for something that you’ve never personally experienced.

One of my favorite, more progressive relationship therapists is Terry Real and his Relational Life Institute . Terry and his colleagues research, write, train and coach on the dilemmas and emerging solutions for current day relationships (including singles, couples, families and organizational leaders). They explain modern relationship dynamics to the layperson and therapist alike, and build language and examples of what relationship, marriage and parenting are evolving into. Great for the person who is interested in conscious parenting and/or conscious partnership rather than just replicating more traditional models.

In Closing:
Obviously the topic area of ‘relationships’ is a massive one, and not to be covered in one short article. My intent here was to share some of the relationship issues that are coming up in my coaching practice at this time and recommended resources. If, like me, this is an area that you are shifting, I hope I’ve given you some good leads. As always, follow what resonates with you – your own emotional guidance system will know what is personally right for you.

Please Share Your Comments: I value your interactions and comments – please click here to leave comments and read those left by others.

© 2009 Christina L. Merkley

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this blurb with it:

Christina Merkley, "The SHIFT-IT Coach" and creator of the SHIFT-IT Method® is a Visioning and Strategic Planning Expert specializing in Graphic Facilitation and Law of Attraction techniques. Based in charming Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, she works deeply with individuals, partners and groups in defining and getting what they really, really want. For more information visit: www.shift-it-coach.com

To Listen to past articles, Click Here



Looking for more rich, SHIFT-IT content? Check out my blog for recent ramblings, resources and general interest features:

Besides the Blog, there are plenty of articles to read in the Ezine Archives. Browse past issues here.

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FYI, I’ve added a new option to the website .. an ‘Ask Christina section. 

Ask me your most pressing SHIFT-IT questions.  Most popular and interesting questions … and my answers (hopefully as interesting!) will be posted on the blog.

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Christina Merkley is The SHIFT-IT Coach. Creator of the SHIFT-IT Graphic Coaching Process®, she guides individuals, partners and groups in defining and getting what they really, really want.

A teacher of Law of Attraction, she is also an expert in visual meeting techniques, strategic planning and visioning: having worked for such notable companies as BBC, Readers Digest Funds, eBay and Stanford University. After a move from San Francisco, she now lives in charming Victoria, British Columbia, Canada - where she maintains a vibrant coaching, facilitation and training practice.

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Copyright © 2004-2009 Christina L. Merkley. All rights reserved.
60 Dallas Road, Victoria, British Columbia, V8V 1A2, Canada