Urrrggghhhh, doesn’t it suck when you get in those situations where something or somebody really gets to you. Maybe it’s an unpleasant work situation with an employer, client or colleague, or a personal one with a friend or family member. Or some sort of agency, organization or outfit you have to deal with that isn’t going well. Whatever the players, the energy is still the same: it feels like something is being done onto you and you’ve lost your sense of personal power and control. And, ultimately, you want to get it back and feel good again.
Feel Your Feelings: The first thing to regain your sense of power is to just feel your immediate feelings. Perhaps you feel sad and victimized – good, go ahead and get the relief of a good cry and lament the injustice of it all. Or, maybe you aren’t one for turning feelings on yourself, but instead, like to project it onto the others. So, feel angry and blaming if that is your immediate reaction. Get pissed, beat a few pillows, take it out on some poor tennis or golf ball. Cathartic stuff can be a good first step (as long as it is done responsibly and not directly expressed on others).
Obviously some situations might warrant additional kinds of support beyond what is mentioned above. For larger events, or events where you can’t seem to reach emotional stability on your own – seek out good, skilled counseling support to aid you. There is no shame or weakness in getting good support when you need it – it’s actually a sign of strength in my books.
Find & Express Your Boundaries: Once you’ve gotten some relief by feeling your immediate feelings, turn next to finding and expressing your boundaries. In ‘Law of Attraction speak’ we call this ‘focusing on what you do want as opposed to what you don’t’.
“As you begin to state what you do want, rather than clamoring about what you don’t want, you come into your own power.” Abraham-Hicks
Oftentimes our tendency is to continue to focus on what isn’t working and what doesn’t feel good – getting stuck in a negative loop. We lament the boss or client from hell. Continue to pick apart the personal partner. Rant against the IRS, the successful business competitor, the disliked neighbor, etc. As we focus on what isn’t working, we feel bad, and we communicate from this negative energetic place. What you want instead is to figure out what you truly do want and like and to speak from that energetic. A subtle but PROFOUND difference.
If there is a lot of anger and rivalry going on: then what you really might want is collegiality and calm. If the house looks like a tornado hit it, what you really might want is order and cleanliness. If stealing or bad business practices are going on, what you really might want is high ethics and responsibility. Figure out what it is you really want. Notice how much nicer and softer (less harsh) that other side of it feels. You feel better just by turning your focus there. You have reached for and gotten some relief. If you can communicate with the other party, speak about what you want. Often this softer energy of moving off of the problem onto the solution is all you need to shift the dynamic.
Re-framing ‘Bad Stuff’: Not all ‘bad’ stuff that occurs is really bad, at least in the bigger picture. In the situations outlined above, there might be some bite for a bit – however in the larger evolutionary context it could be ‘good’. The messy house and the fight about it gets you to hiring a regular housecleaner. Or, the unethical colleague brings an inquiry down on themselves and in the process the environment gets cleaned up to your liking. Or, the events with the spouse come to a head and intervention is finally sought – leading to the breakthrough that gets you to resolution.
Oftentimes we need this ‘contrast’ to move us on in our lives. To build up the energy enough to move us off of our comfy or known perch into something better. Change can be intimidating, so a lot of us wait around and procrastinate on making changes until we really have to. Contrast moves us off our butts into better things.
Too Built Up to SHIFT: Sometimes we attract situations that are just too built up to shift. There is a lot of negative momentum behind the situation and it’s a steamroller against the tiny amount of positive energy we can muster in the now. The problems in the relationship are just too chronic, the bankruptcy cannot be avoided, the business cannot be turned around, etc. My Law of Attraction teachers, Jerry and Esther Hicks, have a cute but poignant analogy for this: ‘if you are 10,000 feet up plummeting towards the earth with no parachute – no worries, it’ll be over quick’. Yikes, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and suffer the effects of your cumulative thoughts and actions – brace yourself for the crash. You can’t shift it in the now cause it’s just too little, too late. But you can learn from the experience and ‘get your ducks in a row’ for life afterwards.
Develop the Habit of Pre-paving: Been through one too many crashes? Ready to do things differently? One of THE most effective ways to get out of bad situations is to not create them in the first place! To recover from a big negative event you really need get out ahead of it – find the better feeling place and focus on it consistently. Shake off where you have been and the results you might be currently still feeling and springboard yourself out into your desired future. You need to get into the regular habit of laying down intentions and desires for your future – ‘pre-paving’ your path, if you will.
Use Visioning Technology: How do you pre- pave your desired future? By using anything that will help you focus on a positive feeling future: vision boards, vision and mission statements, graphic coaching templates, guided imagery, meditations, intention work and such to get your focus out beyond your current yuck.
Imagine your world, as you would like it to be. Discover what it looks like, smells like, tastes like, and most importantly – what it FEELS like. This visioning work is SO much more than imaginary or wishful thinking – it’s revolutionary in the way that it changes what you are attracting and creating.
Personal Strategic Planning: Dealing with a bad event isn’t all about feelings and visioning. At some point you will also have to deal with the action side of things and with your beliefs, attitudes and mindset. However, that all falls into place when you have a Personal Vision that feels really good to you.
Doing visioning and personal strategic planning work gets you back into your own power – back into flowing your energy properly and constructively. As you get disciplined on focusing on what you truly do want, the outside of your life begins to change to match it. The bad stuff begins to lessen and shift as a life more suited to you and your true desires is created by you. And boy, does it feel better on the other side!
© 2007 Christina L. Merkley
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this blurb with it:
Christina Merkley, “The SHIFT-IT Coach” and creator of the SHIFT-IT Graphic Coaching Process® is a Visioning and Planning Expert specializing in Graphic Facilitation and Law of Attraction techniques. Based in charming Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, she works deeply with individuals, couples and groups in defining and getting what they really want in work and life. For more information visit: https://www.shift-it-coach.com and www.makemark.com
[tags] Christina Merkley, shift-it coach, how to deal, personal strategic planning, graphic coaching, graphic coaching process, visioning and planning expert, makemark, shift-it-coach [/tags]