Soften the Sting of Betrayal

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I tend to write The SHIFT-IT e-Zine around actual things that are happening in my own SHIFT-IT process and that of my clients – and this issue is no exception. Unfortunately the subject is betrayal, or at least perception of betrayal. Lately I have had a series of betrayals and so have some of my clients (Law of Attraction tends to work that way). Long-term friends or clients doing crappy things, esteemed mentors being hostile, employers or employees being self-centered and dates/mates acting out. Seems to be in the air lately for a lot of us.

In contemplating these events and doing my best to understand and ultimately SHIFT this energy pattern within my clients and myself, I offer the following thoughts on betrayal and how to effectively work with it if it makes an appearance in your own life.

1. Have You Done Something Similar?
The Law of Attraction operates as a big boomerang — things of like energy cluster together. So if you are experiencing an ‘it’ … there has to be a vibrational similarity somewhere within yourself, otherwise you wouldn’t be experiencing it. The trick is finding where.

One obvious place to look is at your own behavior. Have you done something similar yourself … to this person or to someone else? In the case of betrayal, first pinpoint the feelings (or vibrational stance) of what you are identifying as betrayal. How does it feel? What words would you use to describe it?
For me, the feeling of betrayal feels sharp, mean, unnecessary, gruff, rough and hurtful. Vindictive in some instances. And often I feel used and unappreciated

After identifying the feeling state, see if you can find anything that feels similar that you might have done to someone else – intentionally or unintentionally. Think of things people have said to you about how they have felt about you or something you did. Can you find any match-ups of energy? If so, own them. If you honestly can’t find anything (or not enough to explain the extent of what has manifested) then proceed to the next step.

2. Scan Your Victim Energy
In the first step, you considered your Offender Energy – honestly considering how you have perhaps done the same kind of things to attract the essence of it to you. The next step is in understanding how you attracted the betrayal by victim energy — in your present and/or past.

Has anything happened recently to throw you off your usual game? Been a blow to your confidence or self-esteem? Left you feeling unusually vulnerable, weak or defenseless? If so, this change to your usual vibration may help explain why you are attracting additional things that match this kind of energy

For example, you may have suffered some sort of financial or career setback. Or have been watching too much news and world events and have been sucked into feelings of vulnerability by overly empathizing, identifying or worrying about world events. If you feel weak, it can help explain why you are attracting neglectful or abusive behavior.

The other place to look for an answer is in the core of your identity via your more distant past. How did you grow up? What was your home environment like? How were you treated? What role did you carry within your family? Many coaches, therapists and helping professionals were the caretakers, fixers and pleasers in their family systems. They were trained to look after the needs of others but often their own needs were bypassed, overlooked or even neglected or abused. If this is your past, you may have some deep vibrational energy that needs to be SHIFTed … so you attract your proper rights, needs and boundaries via other people.

3. Quell Your Impulse to Retaliate
When someone does something that triggers or activates feelings of betrayal, abandonment or shock … it’s human to have an automatic response to want to defend or retaliate — to ‘offend from the victim position’ (a fitting term borrowed from relational therapist Terry Real).

While some of this may slip out in the heat of the moment … its better to let the offending stop instead of continuing the dance of anger. We need less anger in our world, not more … at the level of society, group and individual. Commit instead to learn how to transmute the energy into something more useful and productive … namely your own inner work, growth and maturity.

4. Do Your Soul Integration / Orphan Rescue Work
A wonderful system for working with reactive energy is The Soul Integration Process (specifically Orphan Rescue), which I’ve written about in previous issues. This process is from the work of gifted trance medium Sheila Gillette who brings through the Teachings of THEO (non-physical teachers).

THEO guides us that the “Time of Awakening” is upon us — where the energies of our environment are accelerating and there is a tremendous opportunity for advanced personal growth – if we learn how to effectively deal with our emotional activations rather than blindly or reactively succumbing to them.

Sheila and Marcus Gillette

**** FYI, May 17-June 28th, I co-host a first-ever webinar series with THEO and Sheila & Marcus Gillette entitled Thrive in the Time of Awakening. An in-depth course for spiritually oriented people on how to effectively deal with these massive SHIFT times we are experiencing. The acceleration of betrayal and conflict that I and many of us are experiencing can be viewed as a huge opportunity rather than a weakness or trauma … if we harness it properly. Join us to find out how and to interact directly with THEO about your own circumstances!


5. Focus on What You Want Instead
The bottom line with these kinds of energies if we have them (whether through offender or victim) is that we need to do our personal work to soften and eliminate their existence from our energy field. The buck stops with us.

In addition to clearing and transmuting our energy through Soul Integration work … we can also use betrayal situations to get very clear about what we do prefer instead — and put our focus on that! To FLIP IT, FLIP IT GOOD!

The trick to attracting anything is to be it. And we become what we habitually focus on and feel. Rather than dwelling on betrayals and their toxic cocktail of emotions, instead use them to identify what you do want. And put your focus on ‘finding the feeling place’ of that. Of developing a familiarity and acquaintance with that energy, eventually being able to give thanks to the contrasting energy that helped get you there.

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©2011 Christina L. Merkley


You can, as long as you include this blurb and a functional link to my site:
Christina Merkley, “The SHIFT-IT Coach” and creator of the SHIFT-IT System®, is a Visioning and Strategic Planning Expert specializing in Visual Thinking and Law of Attraction techniques. Based in charming Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, she works deeply with individuals, partners and conscious businesses to define and manifest what they truly want. And, trains other helping professionals in her innovative ways of working. For more information visit:

2 comments on “Soften the Sting of Betrayal

  1. Lilia Lee on

    I loved this article!
    It came at a perfect time. This week I experienced this very experience and, having seen the orphan rescue work in the e-zine bfore, I did it and it helped to move me from “how dare they” energy to understanding of the inner child and what she needed to be soothed.
    Thank you Christina for your great work!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Judi Adams on

    Wow…how timely. And how on the money! In a betrayal, trying to figure out “what was my part in it?” and “how did I bring it to me?” and “What do I want instead? Then flip it and become it. As one of my shift-it-coach in-training clients said, looking over her life map, “there’s a little good in every bad”…even in what feels like betrayal.

    Here’s my flip

    Hoarding – sharing
    Self-acclaiming – recognize talents of others
    Tight fisted – belief in abundance
    Controlling – managing in confidence
    Narrow focus – open to new ideas
    Tight – flexible
    Blind – Open to other points of view
    My way or the highway – We all own the road

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