Do You Have a Healthy Sense of Self?

Being a Law of Attraction based coach I’m in the special position of being given an inside view to a lot of people’s lives, including how they really think about themselves deep down.  And it’s the deep down stuff that is so important — as that is where our vibration lives and that is where like attracts like. What we feel deep down about ourselves is what we are going to attract as a mirror on the outside.

The ranges of sense of self that I see in my clients (and experience in my own wacky self) is kind of like the childhood fairytale of Goldilocks and the Three Little Bears.  If you remember it  … its all about small, medium and large and too little of something, too much of something – and then just the right amount.  A proper sense of self is just like that.

Some folks have too little sense of self.  They don’t value themselves. For whatever reasons they don’t step up and take their rightful place in the world.  Low self-esteem and chronic devaluing of themselves, their abilities, and their possibilities is the name of their game.  And often times they attract the seemingly opposite type of person (the person who has an overly inflated sense of self). 

If this kind of person does not address and soften and soothe the intensity of their self-defeating core they will continue to attract people and situations that mirror what they believe. And they will think that life is validating their beliefs (that their belief is true and life proves it) … instead of realizing that if they change that core belief they will change the outcomes of their life. 

It’s all an inside-out game.  Whatever you believe deep down will become a truth in life, not because it’s a truth but because its what you believe deep down.  Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The polarity of the low self-esteem type is the high self-esteem type.  A certain number one-golf player who is currently having a marital crisis comes to mind. 

To be a number one player of any sport (or profession) you have to have a high sense of self – sometimes even bordering on arrogance or entitlement when viewed from the outside.  You have to believe that you are good, that you are number one, that you deserve it, that it can and should come to you. 

For some, that surety comes from the talent they feel (know) they possess, the long hours of training and discipline they have endured, etc.  Whether it’s in sport or in the business or creative arenas.  So, given their sense of gifted status and/or their hard work, they can accept and allow their success to come to them.  Others can manifest that sense without those justifying layers.

However, Law of Attraction would tell us, just like in the case of the low self-esteem individual, that it’s more about the energy underneath than any of that surface stuff. That more successful person was able to hold more successful images of themselves in their mind and spirit, more consistently, than their lower self-esteem counterpart.  And, over time, that difference resulted in much different actions and life experiences.

 Abraham-Hicks says, most of this Law of Attraction stuff is about working out our bugs and interesting kinks so we can get our energy free flowing.   As there is a very fine line that separates pure energy from mixed energy. 

Sometimes it doesn’t take much for a person to get knocked out of their success vortex – to loose their mojo so to speak.  Or, for it to be contaminated by baser frequencies and make things more complicated (which our golfer is finding out in his relationships with women – entitlement can work fine on the golf course but not so great in your love life or business dealings). 

Us human beings, we are powerful creatures.  We have the power of thought and emotion.   And we have the power of free will – to think and feel about ourselves as we like.  It benefits us to recognize just how powerful we are and to strive to improve our core thoughts and feelings about ourselves deep down.  As we can’t fool the universe – it’s going to bring us an outward manifestation that reflects what we truly do believe anyways.  Might as well use that outside reflection as the useful feedback loop that it is and do our inner work to close the gap between what we want and what currently is.

Blog Comments: Thoughts? Reactions? Have something to add? Click here
to leave comments and read those left by others.

Audio MP3s of Past Articles: Click Here

© 2009 Christina L. Merkley

You can, as long as you include this blurb and a functional link to my site:

Christina Merkley, "The SHIFT-IT Coach" and creator of the SHIFT-IT System®, is a Visioning and Strategic Planning Expert specializing in Visual Thinking and Law of Attraction techniques. Based in charming Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, she works deeply with individuals, partners and conscious businesses to define and manifest what they truly want. And, trains other helping professionals in her innovative ways of working.  For more information visit:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *