This work is still in preliminary draft stage (yes, there are discrepancies between the map and the directions) however I have found that releasing early drafts of my tools to my e-zine and social media audience helps all of us. It helps you with inner work and it helps me by getting feedback and comments. So, in the spirit of new product development, here is a Version 1.0 prototype to play with. Please respect my copyright on this material. It is for your personal use only. If you are a coach, therapist or other helping professional, you may not use these materials with your own clientele. For proper training and certification in my visual way of working, please see Visual Coach Certification.
Note: This article is Part Two of a series (so may not make much sense on its own). For Part One, click here.
Overview of Steps
- Notice Current Situation That Has Emotionally Activated You.
- Define What The Best Thing(S) About Being Your Current Age Is.
- Go Within And Ask ‘Who Inside Is Uncomfortable?’.
- Identify The Age And Circumstances Of Your Orphan.
- Freeze Frame The Scene And Nurture Your Orphan.
- Ask What Else They Are Upset Or Confused About And Soothe.
- Explain Current Life And Invite Orphan To Join.
- Collapse Time And Bring Them Forward.
- Set Appropriate Roles And Expectations.
- Check For Relief.
6. Ask What Else They Are Upset Or Confused About And Soothe.
After the initial round of soothing, see how what you are saying is ‘landing’ with your orphan. Are they taking it in? Are they understanding what you are saying to them? Find out if there is anything else that they are concerned or confused about and explain that layer of things to them too.
Often these traumatic situations have several layers to them. For example, a child who is being yelled at by an upset adult may not understand what the adult is saying or why they are saying it in the manner they are. They may be upset, scared or intimidated by the energy coming at them. They may incorrectly internalize messages that because this adult is upset at them, they are ‘bad’ or ‘not enough’, or ‘not wanted’. Or some other equally damaging message that the child internalizes and carries with them through their life (all the way into your adult life now!). Set your orphan straight. Just because someone is mad at them does not mean they are inherently bad or worthless. Teach them the healthier way of looking at things.
If you don’t know what to say to your Orphan, think of what you would say to any child of their age caught in a similar situation. If you are a parent, what would you say to your own child? If you aren’t a parent, think of your friend’s or colleague’s children or even children in general. Another tactic: bring in your Future Self or Higher Self to speak to your orphan. Also, seek the assistance of a qualified therapist or coach to help you ‘re-wire’ and ‘re-program’ the erroneous thinking (and feeling) that your orphan took on. (Note: I say ‘feeling’ because these feelings can have long ranging effects … in Law of Attraction speak, a person’s ‘vibration’ or ‘frequency’ can be set from these childhood experience seemingly mysteriously attracting like situations until the original trauma is SHIFTed).
7. Explain Current Life And Invite Orphan To Join.
When you have soothed your orphan and some level of relief has been reached, it is now time to extend an invitation to your orphan to come and join you in your present time. They have unknowingly been living in their negative alternative reality for perhaps many, many years (like the movie Groundhog day, where the same day plays out over and over – but in this instance, unlike the movie, there is no improvement or positive progression). Explain to your orphan that is not necessary for them to spend another minute in discomfort. That they can release any loyalties or concerns they may have for the people in their memory scene (all of these people have already moved on in time and got on with their lives and they are not responsible for them). Now it is time for your orphan to do the same. To join you in your present day life and to live as they were not able to live before.
Say to your orphan “would you like to come and live with me?” and “you don’t need to stay here anymore, you can come and live with me”. Explain what your adult life is like (where you live, what your home is like, what you do, who is around you). Wait for an answer. Most orphans will jump at the chance to leave the scene they have been playing out over and over in order to come and join you in a new life. If you encounter any resistance, ask what they are concerned about and find a genuine way to soothe whatever concerns or hesitancies exist.
8. Collapse Time And Bring Them Forward.
When your Orphan has given their permission to join you — take them by the hand (or in the case of a very young child, pick them up and embrace them) and bring them forward in time. Be sure to ‘collapse time’ behind you. Feel the old scenario collapsing in on itself, never to be resurrected again. The only way to go is forward — forward into the tine and place of your own adult reality.
Bring yourself back to your present reality. Open your eyes (if you have had them closed). And sense your Orphan. They are there with you now. You will sense them somewhere around you (perhaps to your left, to your right, right in front of you, or within you). Welcome your Orphan to their new home and surroundings. Point things out to them. This there new home. You may feel their excitement and curiosity within you. Allow them to check things out!
9. Set Appropriate Roles And Expectations.
When your Orphan has had an opportunity to quickly take in your surroundings, spend a moment defining your roles. You, as the adult, are now responsible for this younger you. It is now your responsibility to parent her or him (in the case of a young child) or mentor her or him (in the case of older children and young adults). Make a pledge or promise to them to be the parent and/or mentor that they never had. The parenting that they received in the past was most likely lacking. Now you have the opportunity to be the kind of parent or mentor that they truly need. You can right the wrongs of the past and enable this Orphan to finally fully flourish — most likely using talents, abilities and gifts that were hampered before. Now you want to fully welcome them to be their full selves (as their natural energies and talents can often hugely benefit your present life).
If you are dealing with a younger Orphan, it is important to explain to them that you are the adult and they are the child —- and it is not their responsibility to get involved in the adult issues of your life … that is your territory and responsibility, not theirs. Their role is to be a kid and enjoy life! You will take care of the adult responsibilities like your career or business, earning and managing money, interacting with other adults, any adult problems that come up, etc. This is very important, as sometimes our Orphans have been running the show! It’s important to have them be in their appropriate spaces in your life and you the adult to be in the leadership role in your own life! Your Orphan can often help you by providing creativity, enthusiasm, talents and gifts — but ultimately it is your responsibility to look after them … not them look after you!
10. Check For Relief
Your final task in the Orphan Rescue process is to complete all the previous steps and then consider how you feel as a result of doing them. How are you feeling after doing this process? Do you feel relief of some sort? Do you feel better? (more relaxed, calm, centered?). If so, this is your indication that effective integration work has occurred. That you have successfully integrated your Orphan!
Go back to the original incident in your life that provoked the whole Orphan Rescue process. Consider it. Now, after doing this process, how do you feel about it? Is it as charged as it was? Do you have a different perspective or connection to it? If so, another indication that you have done successful inner work! If not, you may have another layer of Orphan Rescue work to do … as sometimes there are several orphans connected to a triggering situation in our life. Rescuing one of them will make a difference, however you want to do a thorough job of rescuing all of them to get full relief and integration.
Visual Map to Assist With Orphan Rescue:
I am a pioneer in Visual Coaching … as such, a lot of my work has a visual component to it. The Orphan Rescue instructions you have just read are to be used in conjunction with the following Visual Coaching map:
Download Map Here (pdf)
Draft Version 1.0 of Orphan Rescue Map
Post Script: Resonating with the deep, beautiful work of Orphan Rescue? Would you like some assistance in integrating your own Orphans? Orphan Rescue is one of many Inner Work methods I use with my private clients to draw your vision and erase your resistance. Click here for more info on Private Coaching options including Distance Sessions by Web Conferencing (all in my visual way of working).